Once again, I was at the Feast at PICC today. Bo started the Relationships series by identifying the main differences between a man and a woman’s rules in relationships. It helps to know that before we try to swim in the unchartered seas of male-female relationships, we need to understand the foundation of all kinds of relationships: Acceptance.
Today’s topic, like any other topics at the Feast, hit me square in the face. Before I left the house, I had a bit of a misunderstanding with Ma, like mothers and daughters do every now and then. While in the jeepney on the way to PICC, I thought about it and I realized that the same situation has presented itself between Ma and me because I have not learned how to handle it correctly. I have always believed in pointing out what needs to be done the right way immediately. But the right way for me, may not necessarily be needed immediately. What the situation may actually be wanting is for me to show more acceptance, more patience, more love instead of immediate correction. While I mulled about it on the way to the Feast, I then received the gift of the Holy Spirit and it was doubly presented to me by Bro. Bo. Of course, he didn’t know that I was there. (I’m finally learning Bro. Bo!)
ACCEPTANCE. You can have a better relationship with anyone when you are able to embrace fully the person as he is. It means you are not out to change the other person. No one can really change any person, EXCEPT, the person himself. And he MUST WANT it from the depths of his being for it to happen. Even if you keep nagging the other person to do what you want, he or she may say yes, but …(This is not including people who have serious issues like addiction, gambling, wife/husband beating, alcoholism or sloth – people who have not worked or don’t want to work, gossiping or any other serious vices out there).
APPECIATION. Look for the good in the person and magnify that good. Allow the person to know that he is being appreciated.
Once he feels that he is loved and accepted, he will eventually change in the right direction. Nagging will not make people want to change. It will drive them away. It will build walls one brick at a time with constant nagging until the wall of separation has been fully erected. But patience, acceptance and love will turn that wall into dust.
Male. His brain has compartments. Each task has a specific box and the boxes do not intersect. They have specific four corners, a top cover and a bottom base. Each box has delineated borders and spaces in between. He is not a multitasker. He can only focus on one thing at a time.
Female. Her brain doesn’t have boxes. Her brain has wires and everything in it is interconnected. She is great at multi-tasking. I remember my late female friend who would talk with me while simultaneously text messages on her cellphone–it was very irritating, but she was a real estate agent and needed to be able to reply immediately to her potential buyers, so I let it go.
When a female has a problem, she doesn’t want a solution to her problem, she just wants to talk.
When you talk to a man about a problem, he will find the solution for you.
Here’s a tip. When talking with a man, ask him to listen to you as a girl so you can unload and then when you are ready for the solution, ask him to listen as a man.
There will be more about this next week.